Up South

A Londoner trying to get by in Edinburgh

Can I not enjoy boring, boring England?

Every football fan can agree that watching football is only fun when it’s not your team playing. When you’re able to just kick back and relax and can watch a game that means nothing to you. Where you don’t need to get emotionally invested and instead can enjoy the theatrics, drama, and athleticism of what’s happening before you.

When it is your team playing, every misplaced pass is a drop in the stomach. Every second one of your players stays down convinces you that their tournament is over. Every shot against your team carries an expectation of a bulging net.

So it was rather enjoyable that the most stressful part of my Sunday night was simply getting home to watch the match.

A full day’s shift alone. The last half hour was spent hoping no one else would come. Close up one till by 19:45. Count up the cash in the other till. 19:50; still no one here. Quick sweep of the floor and a pre-emptive filling out paperwork. 19:55. Bag and coat on, lights off, keys in hand. 20:00. Finally. Five minutes later, I’m power-walking up the road towards the bus stop, fiddling about with my Bluetooth earbuds and trying to get any one of the three available BBC streams working on my phone. There’s a bus in about six minutes that I have to get, otherwise it’s another seven-odd minutes hanging about. But I’m there on time and a stream is working. It has all the high-depth quality of a potato, but it is working.

The struggle of trying to find a viewable stream

I’m sure anxious Englishmen are a welcomed sight in Scotland. Most of the country would certainly be wishing for a Mitrovic hattrick and a sending-off for one of our key players – maybe even several. Understandably so. You never want your auldest enemy to do well. But those first twenty minutes were simply a joy to watch. High-pressing attacking football, with a surety at the back that most English fans were worried we would lack without human refrigerator Harry Maguire.

And then, in the thirteenth minute, Bukayo Saka’s deflected cross looped into the Serbian penalty and Jude Bellingham thundered a bullet header into the net. Cue slight groans across Scotland and furious, silent fist-pumps on the top of a number 49 Bus.

Much of the analysis about England last night has been fairly dour. To an extent, this is understandable. England were so good and so dominant for the first thirty minutes, but they never really made an effort to sustain it for the rest of the match. Serbia grew back into the game, although in all honesty they never really looked likely to score. That didn’t stop them from creating chances and giving England fans a scare.

England were more than happy to win 1-0, and that seems to be what most English fans and commentators have picked out: England were bland, they were uninspiring, they didn’t really do anything. Fine by me. Tournament football is not always about class and style. There needs to be a healthy dose of pragmatism to grind out results. Portugal did that in 2016. Greece won every single knockout game 1-0 on their way to a European title in 2004. Attractive football is very nice and all, but pragmatism must come first.

And this was a game that pragmatism was needed. Trent Alexander-Arnold was played in midfield beside Declan Rice as was predicted, and while there were no horror stories, Toni Kroos he was not. Bellingham, the hero of the night and a truly generational talent, hadn’t featured in either of England’s pre-tournament friendlies. There were points at which it did feel like a warm-up match for him, easing him back into the swing of things and working out where on the pitch worked best for him. Everywhere, apparently.

Not to take anything away from Serbia, who did a good job of not letting England play with more flamboyance. After having their low block broken, and realising that England could pick their lock fairly easily, the Serbs decided to get physical. Kicks, barges, elbows, niggles, grabs. All perfectly legitimate, but not exactly conducive to playing free-flowing football. Keep an eye on Serbia, though. They may still have something to say in Group C.

Of course, it’s not all sunshine. Sitting back on a 1-0, as good as we were tonight, isn’t going to be a viable tactic against the top sides. Bellingham in that 10 role behind Harry Kane was so good that it raises questions about how Gareth Southgate can fit Phil Foden in. Foden had done his best work in that same role at Manchester City, but couldn’t conjure up anything on the left. Does that mean we have to bench the Premier League player of the Season in favour of a more natural left-winger in Antony Gordon? Will other teams pick up that everything of quality and creativity came down our right wing? Is Trent the right partner for Rice?

All legitimate questions to have, and discussions that should be had despite the good result. But it is nice, for once at least, to watch England and not constantly feel like you’re going to be sick.

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